Something that I have heard a lot throughout my life is that two types of people come into your life for a reason. People who are just passing through, and people who stay forever. The people who are just passing through serve a short-term influence. They teach you lessons, give you pleasure mixed with hardship when they inevitably leave and are designed to teach you more about yourself. These people may become memories far into our pasts, or stay with us as reminders of who we want to be. The people who stay forever are essentially the building blocks of who we are. They teach us about ourselves, about what unwavering love looks like, and how to accept a new form of love, the love that we think we deserve.
To me, a person who immediately comes to my head when thinking of those who have made me who I am is my papa. To me, my Papa is the closest thing possible to a saint. My Papa was a strong man, a devoted husband, an outstanding father, and an even better grandfather. To me, my Papa was always the most important person in my life. Throughout this writing, when I say that my Papa was the most important person in my life, I feel the need to clarify. I mean that my Papa was the most important man in my life. Growing up without the presence of a Dad is not something that I would wish on anyone, but it has made me who I am today. Anyone who knows me would tell you that I am probably one of the most stubborn, driven, but loving people that they have ever met. I have grown up in a non-traditional way, learning that I will never need a man to come to save me, that I can survive more than I ever thought I could, and that no matter what, no one can ever darken the light that is inside of me. I think that my Papa is proud of me for this and that he is silently being the person, the male figure, in my life that I needed to validate these feelings, even if I can not see him anymore.
To me, I consider my family to be pretty small. I have my mom (Karen), my sister (Sam), and my Nana (Carol). While I could rattle off names of my biological father’s side of the family, or my uncles and cousins that I never see, the truth is that these people have never shown me what family is, not in a way that my mom, sister, Nana, or Papa have. Family is a strange concept to me. Is life some sort of big lottery? What determines whether or not you live in an impoverished city or a wealthy one? What decides that you have two, one, or no loving parents? What decides where you are born, and to whom? While all of this is a huge mystery to me I can say with 100% certainty that I was born exactly where I was supposed to be in life. While I may not have a huge family, filled with a multitude of cousins and family members, I am very happy with my small family. The family that I have chosen for myself. The family that teaches me it’s not the number of people we surround ourselves with, but rather the quality of these people.
Going back to my Papa, I touched upon the fact earlier of who he was: a strong man, a devoted husband, an outstanding father, and an even better grandfather. My Papa was a captain in the army. He served our country fearlessly, fighting for the safety of his wife, my nana, his future children, and me, his future grandchild. My Papa risked everything he had to fight for this country, fight to make lives better for people he would never even know. He didn’t do this out of pride, he did it out of a deep love and service to others. Unfortunately, my Papa passed away on the morning of May 30th, 2021. It wasn’t until after his passing that my Mom, along with I, discovered the true extent to which my Papa served this country. Learning that he was a captain, and led his troops with no fear. My Papa’s passing was 100% one of the worst pains I have ever felt in my life. One of the worst feelings I have ever come to know, a feeling when time just seemed to stand still. I remember where I was, my Mom’s reaction, and the hole I felt burn into my chest. A hole that I do not think will ever be filled. Even now, years later, sitting, writing this piece, I still feel the tears coming to my eyes and the burning in my heart. The burning that only comes when a piece of you is taken in the blink of an eye.
As I am writing this essay, I keep looking at a photo of me and my Papa on my wall. I can hear him saying, “You’re making me look too good” followed up with a “Keep going.” I can hear this because this is the type of person my Papa was. Humble. He put others first, he checked in on his loved ones, and he cared more deeply than anyone I have ever met. I can not ever think of a time when my Papa was mad, or when anyone got mad at him. He lived out his life that was harmonious with those around him, a type of life that can only happen to people who are unapologetically true to themselves. Don’t get me wrong, he was the biggest instigator I have ever met, always having a devious twinkle in his eyes or smirk on his face, but he was the most loving man I have ever met. He loved strangers he met (always starting conversations with anyone near), the people around him, his friends, and his family deeper than anything I have ever experienced. It wasn’t enough to love those around him like family, he loved those around him like they were part of him. My Papa showed me what it means to be a true person and to be a true man. Loving, genuine, kind, selfless, and unapologetically yourself.
While at the beginning of this piece, I talked about the two types of people in this world, people who are just passing through and people who stay forever, I think my Papa is, unsurprisingly, an exception. While my Papa tragically passed away, inevitably not staying physically with me forever, he definitely was not someone who just passed through. Yes, he taught me lessons and more about myself, but he did not have a short-term influence on me. By the time I was old enough to appreciate all my Papa did for me, it felt like it was too late. But the fact is that I learn things from my Papa every day. This connection to him runs deeper than appreciating or loving him, but rather I can feel his spirit within me. Not a day goes past when I do not think about my Papa and the sacrifices he made for me, filling a spot in my heart that I didn’t know existed. I think that when loved ones pass, loved ones that we have a connection to that is deeper than words can describe, they find a special place within us. Their spirit intertwines with ours, not only staying with us when it is no longer visible but becoming part of us, giving us lessons and advice in matters that we might not otherwise know how to deal with or be prepared for. So I propose a third option concerning the types of people in this world. The people that we meet that eventually become part of us, that interlace with the very essence of who we are.
