Most teens see the world in black and white, so why don’t we give them a chance to see it in color? The teenage years are some of, if not the, hardest years. Teens experience a variety of stress factors: sports, college applications, intense classes, friendships, and relationships. As parents, it’s easy to assume that taking the stress of relationships out of the picture benefits your teens. But in reality, a solid, loving relationship with someone can be what your teen needs to excel. Allowing your teenager to build a special bond with someone truly does help your teen experience the vibrance in a world of so little. While it may be hard to let go of this principle, a romantic relationship can help your teen develop social skills, maturity, and emotional intelligence, all significant factors to help your child succeed as they transition into adulthood. I believe that parents should give their children this chance, and be open to giving your child a chance to flourish and blossom in their social life. Help them improve their well-being and allow them to prove their responsibility. Give your child a chance to live in color by allowing them to date in high school.
Many parents assume that they’re doing their teens a favor by preventing them from dating. But what if I told you that you might be doing more harm than good? Jean Twenge, author of iGen, mentions the potential threats of no experience in dating. According to Twenge, one potential downside of preventing your teen from dating is a lack of experience heading into college. Twenge suggests, “If you’re sending your child away to college without those [basic dating] skills, they’re going to learn the hard way — and usually in the presence of alcohol” (Wichard-Edds). Twenge argues that at this point “kids look toward compensatory behaviors because they don’t possess the skills to conduct a normal relationship” (Wichard-Edds). For example, teens compensate for their insecurity through phone-screen interactions or even under the influence. Teenagers remain unsure how to develop the skills to build a relationship on their own. With no example to look up to, they will take matters into their own hands. While the idea of your children developing romantic interests can be uncomfortable to imagine, it’s more important to discuss healthy, appropriate ways to build a connection with someone. In other words, by preventing your teen from experiencing relationships in the presence of their own home and with the advice and exposure from their parents, you’re putting your teen in an unsafe position, giving them reason to search for exposure through unreliable and dangerous ways (Wichard-Edds). So instead of putting your teen in a dangerous position, give them the resources they need to seek love safely and healthily. Protect your kids from the potential dangers of society.
It’s imperative to recognize that while dating can affect teens in both positive and negative ways, the positives often outweigh the negatives. Jodi Dworkin, an extension specialist and professor in family social science at the University of Minnesota, researches the effects of dating on teen development. Dworkin’s works continue to influence the way parents approach their teenagers. One of Dworkin’s main arguments is that dating can help teens discover who they are, helping them build self-esteem. She recognizes that building relationship skills can improve teenagers’ development and growth. One way it can help teens’ development is by teaching them essential life skills: communication, conflict resolution, and the ability to manage emotions. Relationships need these factors to act as a cornerstone of their foundation, and dating lets teens apply these skills. When teens work together with their partners to make a relationship work, teens gain the ability to use these skills effectively. As teenagers enter adulthood, they must have the ability to apply these fundamental skills to their lives to succeed (Dworkin). Even if it’s in friendships and work relationships, teens need to build social skills, and a romantic relationship is a perfect way to do that. We need to ensure that teens have the skills they need to transition into the real world by ensuring that they get the basics. So let your teenagers date and gain these skills, and allow them to get the resources they need to succeed.
Now, I believe it’s central to ensure your child is safe. Yes, you and your child need to be open to communicating about their relationship from time to time. But how do you ensure your child is safe and is being responsible in their relationships without intervening and being a helicopter parent? Here’s my solution—build trust between you and your child. Your child wants to keep you in the loop. They want to tell you about the exciting and sad moments. But chances are that they aren’t going to tell you things if they feel like they’ll be judged. Matt Villano, a writer and editor for Parents, highlights his approach to dating for his three daughters. He suggests ways parents should approach monitoring their teens while maintaining trust. Villano advises parents to offer children advice and enforce the importance of boundaries and respect: “by keeping the lines of communication open and being careful not [to] be judgmental of … their love interests, your tween is more apt to talk to you about their feelings or ask for advice” (Villano 8). In this way, parents can show their teens that they care about the success of their relationships. This is an excellent way of starting to build trust between you and your child. To Villano’s point, by being open to communication, you help your child start to trust that you have their best interests at heart and that they can come to you when needed. Once you build trust, you can start to set expectations and rules for your teen(s) without being overprotective. However, while rules are essential, parents should consider how strict their rules are and how their teens may respond. As you may know, when teens are told not to do something, they tend to do it anyway; so when determining rules, make sure you keep this in mind. Less threatening rules such as meeting the parents and setting reasonable expectations may ease the transition for your teen (Villano). This helps maintain trust while supporting your teen.
In conclusion, allowing your teen to explore relationships with trust and guidance can be a powerful tool for their emotional and social development. By giving them the space to experience love, build communication skills, and learn about boundaries, you’re preparing them for the complexities of adulthood. It’s central to provide support and set reasonable expectations, all while fostering open communication that keeps them safe and responsible. Instead of fearing the challenges that come with teen dating, embrace the opportunity to teach your child how to navigate relationships in a healthy and meaningful way. When we give teens the resources they need and allow them to flourish in a world full of vibrant colors, we set them up for success in their future connections and lives.
